Strapping on the Hobnail Boot: A UGA fan’s guide to prepping for Tennessee
Go in the closet and dust off your Hobnail boots, because the Georgia Bulldogs are about to dive into the teeth of the SEC schedule, and one of the first real fun games in terms of rivalries is UGA – Tennessee.
The Volunteers aren’t quite up to the big three rivals — Auburn, Florida, Georgia Tech — but they have developed a bit of a salty relationship with the Dawgs, in particular the fans.
The Volunteer Navy (realistic depiction)
But special preparations have to be made when it comes to a game with the Vols, especially when they travel to Athens and come riding into town in the Volunteer navy vessels (one day they’ll figure out that Athens isn’t a harbor town).
Our always passionate and painfully blunt Krisi Cooper spelled out the reasons for hating the Vols earlier in the summer, so that’s a good guide to begin with if you haven’t figured out why.
We can’t really give this a “hate week” title however, because hate would imply that we really care about the little pumpkins.
The crucial rules for Vol week preparation are as follows.
1. Hide (or burn) all orange garments in your wardrobe. You really shouldn’t have them anyway, but if you do, now’s the time for disposal.
2. Bluegrass music…even good stuff…is forbidden. Somehow Volunteer fans can take any bluegrass song and turn it into a bastardized rendition of “Rocky Top”. And that is absolutely unbearable.
3. If you have Peyton Manning on your fantasy football roster, then put him on the I.R. for the week. You may lose your fantasy game, but at least you’ll still have your self respect and won’t have to hear any Vol fans telling you that the Manning bloodline won your week (even though he couldn’t win a national championship).
4. All checker and chess boards are to be mothballed and packed in the attic.
5. Have Larry Munson’s “Hobnail Boot” call on infinite repeat on your iPod, be sure to blare it with the windows down in your car whenever passing anyone with even a stitch of orange clothing on this week.
6. On the subject of above…wear your Hobnail Boots all week…even with a dress, ladies. Let them never forget that a broken nose can come at anytime.
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- Georgia football: Sunday afternoon thoughts and feelings
7. Hang pictures of David Greene and Verron Haynes throughout your home and auto…it will repel any stray vampire Vols.
8. Be sure you don’t mistakenly high-five or have any physical contact with a Tennessee fan in any way, shape or form…you might be called for targeting.
9. Protect your ACLs at all costs. They are a favorite target of anyone wearing orange.
10. Familiarize yourself with the entire library of Jeff Foxworthy’s “Your might be a redneck if…”, it will help you if by some chance you are forced into attempting communication with a Vol fan.
Hopefully these helpful tips will get you through another Volunteers-we-wish-we-cared-enough-to-hate week. And always remember, yellow is closer to orange than red.