Todd Gurley must have needed money for something, otherwise why would have have broken the rules?
I personally have yet to write anything on the Gurley matter. It is no secret that I am for paying players and also despise the NCAA, but this piece is not to bash them or give my long list of reasons why we should pay the players.
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This piece is to explore the questions that no one has yet to ask. What did Todd Gurley need the money for? I have thought long and hard about it and decided to list the top ten reasons Todd Gurley may have needed the money.
After all, he certainly wouldn’t have broken the rules for no reason, right?
10. Parking on game day is expensive in Athens, Ga.
9. He found a really dope autographed Johnny Manziel football on Ebay. Even Gurley can’t resist the lure of “Johnny Football”, and after all, Manziel never did get paid for those, did he?
8. He had to hire an attorney because Hans and Franz were suing him for copyright infringement regarding use of the phrase “Gurley Man”
7. He was pitching in with all the other SEC players to help pay off Nick Saban’s boat. Certainly that wouldn’t be handled by the Alabama boosters now, would it?
6. He was springing for the high-gloss invitations to his Heisman Trophy celebration party
5. He wanted to buy new defensive lines for all the teams in the SEC East. Just Gurley’s way of saying thank you, and replacing all the players he had destroyed. Plus, Nick Chubb needs some practice dummies for next season.
4. He wanted to buy Les Miles a Nutri-Bullet for Christmas. Why should coach Miles have to go to the trouble of chewing grass? Gurley wanted to be sure that the Mad Hatter was getting all the nutrition he needed for those exhausting press conferences.
3. Malcolm Mitchell needed some new books for the book club. Look no further than Papa Gurley to help out. Rumor on the streets is they are currently covering 50 Shades of Grey, but I cannot confirm of deny these rumors.
2. Pretty Little Liars is no longer free on hulu. Anyone who follows Gurley’s tweets knows that both he and Amarlo Herrera are obsessed with the teenage sensation Pretty Little Liars. Recently hulu took the show off their free list and it can only be obtained via iTunes.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON TODD GURLEY NEEDED TO SELL HIS AUTOGRAPHS….
1. Jameis Winston was unloading some crab legs at ridiculously cheap prices! Let’s be honest…when crab legs are cheap you have to take advantage of that good deal. Gurley is a smart guy. He knows when to buy (rumor has it Winston also threw in a few autographs if you bought a dozen).
Well there you go. I thought long and hard about these, but I would love to hear what you think. Leave your ideas in the comments section.
Now please return to your regularly scheduled Florida hate.
Go Dawgs!