UGA Football: What is going on in The Swamp?

Florida is getting some hype from CBS analyst Danny Kanell. He believes the Gators can overtake UGA football in the SEC East this season.

Sitting at home on my laptop, with the TV on in the background, I hear Danny Kanell say, “Florida is the team to beat this year in the SEC East.”

I shook my head, rolled my eyes, and thought, “here we go again.” Has everyone forgotten about UGA football? Kanell goes on to say that he believes that Georgia has lost too much to be top Dawg in the SEC East again in 2020.

I had to see just what was going on down in The Swamp, so I made some plans to visit Gainesville, Fl. I started by looking for a hotel for the duration of my stay. Of course, to no surprise, there wasn’t a single one with a five-star rating. It looked like I was stuck with a few four stars and a butt load of three stars. There was even a two-star motel called the Trask Inn.

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Despite the Trask Inn’s low rating, it had more bookings than the highly touted Emory Suites. However, I made a reservation with the local Hampton Inn, packed up my car, and began the five and a half-hour drive.

When I got to the front desk of the hotel, they gave me my room key, room 52. I went to my room, unpacked my things, sat down on the bed, and turned on the TV. A local news broadcast came on the screen. It was showing a local man dressed in blue and orange with jorts and a mullet. They called him Florida Fan, and he was some sort of celebrity around this area.

Florida Fan had a beer in one hand and was shouting some things about Dan Mullen beating Kirby Smart in 2020. He said that Florida is the superior team and, UGA football isn’t the same team that had beaten them the last three years in a row, the last time 24-17. Florida Fan smelled blood in the water and believed that this was their year.

I turned off the TV; I had seen enough. These delusional fans say the same things each year only to end up eating those words.

I headed out to find something to eat and clear my mind. I found this place called The Swamp Restaraunt and had to try it out. So I went in, found a place to sit, and waited for someone to take my order. When the waitress showed up, I asked to start with an order of Gator Bites, their gator tail appetizer. I followed that up with four Gatortail Tacos, one for every victory Kirby Smart has over Mullen.

So, after devouring all the gator, I could stand, I got up, paid my tab, and left.

When I got back to the hotel, I saw 18 young men lined up at the front desk wanting to checkout. I asked them what the reason for their sudden departure was, and they told me that they had all entered the NCAA transfer portal, and they were leaving Gainesville. I had been hearing about all the players that Georgia had lost, but there were 18 Gators that were leaving, and no one was talking about this.

That didn’t even include the six Gators that were drafted into the NFL this past April, including their top cornerback, running back, and their top two pass rushers.

After dealing with all this disfunction, I could not wait to get back to Georgia. I woke up first thing, checked out, and headed home as fast as my car could carry me there. Almost as if I had hit the transfer portal right after arriving in Gainesville.

As soon as I arrived home, I took about five showers to get the stink of Gainesville off me. I still don’t think its wholly left. You’ll never find me in that stinky swamp again. Just like you won’t see the Gators overtake the Dawgs in the East, or in the SEC, any time soon. October will soon be here, and we will all get to see UGA football put all this talk to rest.